The Science of a Convincing Sorry

Overview

New research examines how the words used in apologies signal effort and influence perceptions of sincerity. Linguist Shiri Lavari demonstrates that longer, effortful language can make an apology seem more genuine, while word frequency plays a smaller role in how apologetic a message is perceived.

Key takeaways

Across real-world social media and controlled experiments, longer words are associated with higher perceived apologeticness, and readers are less sensitive to whether words are rare or common. The study highlights the social function of language and how people knowingly or unknowingly signal personal effort when making amends.

Why it matters

Findings inform how individuals and organizations communicate apologies online and offline, with implications for public relations, everyday interactions, and understanding online discourse around forgiveness and accountability.

Introduction and context

In this Scientific American Science Quickly episode, host Rachel Feldman interviews Shiri Lavari, associate professor of psychology at Royal Holloway University of London, about the social function of apologies and how language can reveal genuine intention. Lavari outlines the puzzle of cheap talk in apologies and investigates whether linguistic cues can convey real effort behind an apology rather than superficial words.

Lavari introduces the concept of iconicity in speech, referring to how the form of a word can resemble its meaning. While iconicity is often discussed in terms of inherent properties of words (for example, itsy bitsy sounding small), her focus is on contextual iconicity—how apologizers choose language that signals effort given the situation and audience.

She emphasizes that genuine apologies typically involve effortful leeway to minimize harm and repair social bonds, and she asks whether speakers can manipulate language to convey that effort more effectively.